Ok, if you’re like me and not an avid tik toker (ok ok, not a tik toker at all!) then you may have missed the blockbuster epic ‘who tf did I marry?!’ which has captivated the globe as one long-suffering woman recounts the horrors of marrying a man who to call a pathological liar would be the understatement of the millennium.

While I confess to not having the stamina to watch all 50 parts (I managed 3)  I’ve done my due diligence and as an act of public service can summarise the main points below:

Characters: 

Teesa – The betrayed and magnificent storyteller

Legion – (Alleged) Pathological liar and former husband of the betrayed

Supporting cast: social media devotees everywhere

The deets:

• So Teesa met Legion in March 2020 and was overcome by his desire to provide for her financially. 

• He told her during their first phone conversation that he was a former football player and divorced regional manager who recently moved to Georgia from California. 

• On their first date he talked about wanting to get married, start a family and own a house — goals Teesa shared.

• They started house hunting, but Legion refused to show proof that he had the money to support his $700,000, all-cash offers. 

• He claimed he was going to transfer money from his offshore account to buy her an Audi Q8 and said that the SUV would be delivered to their home, but it never arrived. Eventually she bought herself a Nissan.

• They never bought a house but they proceeded to got married in January 2021.

• By the time she filed for divorce, she allegedly learned that he never lived in California and had divorced at least twice before marrying her.

• He’d apparently also lied through his teeth about his family — pretending to have two sisters and two half-brothers, lying about family members dying of covid when they had passed away years prior. 

• And needless to say he also lied about his money and his job: apparently, he was a forklift operator, not a regional manager or vice president.

Because in the end this story is not just a cautionary tale about doing your due diligence in relationships and paying close attention to red flags, but also a reminder of why economic empowerment for women is so important.

So here’s a quick rundown of things to consider when it comes to your love life and your finances:

A REALITY CHECK – first things first, before anyone condemns Teesa for being so quick to fall in love or become enamoured by the prospect of a partner who was willing to support her financially, for many women this is something to which we can only aspire. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be in a relationship with someone who is financially stable and able to support you both, as well as children should you choose to have them. In the end, everyone’s relationship circumstances and desires may differ, but what really matters is that those people involved are committed to what has been mutually agreed. However as women, even if we do meet someone that is able and willing to fulfil this role, this does not absolve us of the responsibility as adults to have our financial sh*t in order too. Expecting another person to provide financial security when we are unable to achieve this in our own lives creates a power imbalance that could leave you vulnerable in future.

Which brings me on to the next point…

EMERGENCY FUND – make sure you have 3-6 months saved in cash so you’re ready to deal with unforeseen circumstances as they arise and can avoid leaving yourself financially exposed.

EFF OFF FUND – this applies to more than just leaving a bad job situation but in fact anything that could leave you feeling that your value is not being appropriately recognised. I bet Teesa wishes she had told Legion to eff off long before their divorce!

CONFIDENCE TALKING ABOUT MONEY – during your initial dating period don’t be afraid to raise the topic of money. Don’t allow any worries about being viewed as a gold-digger by your new love interest to put you off. First of all, anyone that worries about this must first have gold which Legion clearly did not possess. Secondly, any sensible partner would welcome an upfront conversation about attitudes to money including spending and saving habits, especially since the stress associated with poor finances is one of the top sources of relationship breakdown. Making sure you’re both on the same page from the start is key. This also gives you an opportunity to spot any red flags or inconsistencies in what you are told. Trust your instincts on this. Always.

RETIREMENT PLAN – All Rainmakers need retirement plans. Our golden girls lifestyle won’t fund itself. So whether you’re going for rich aunty vibes or dreaming of hordes of grandchildren to spoil, you’re going to need cash either way.

PRE-NUP – controversial perhaps, but don’t sleep on pre-nups when it comes to your financial planning. The laws around these differ in different jurisdictions, but being upfront about how you intend to divide assets in the unfortunate event of a marital breakdown could be a game changer. It’s a difficult conversation to have, but don’t let this deter you. Treat it as the start of your estate planning conversations before you become ‘one’ in the eyes of the law. Ringfencing your assets for future generations or even just yourself is a good look.

SELF-COMPASSION – Whether it’s being scammed by some love-rat, or making a money mishap through your own means, give yourself the gift of self compassion. None of us are immune from financial fails, but how we start doesn’t have to dictate how we end. Fall down 9 times, get up 10. (Or 11!)

RESOURCEFULNESS IS THE CHARM – Teesa’s sensational storytelling has attracted hundreds of thousands of dollars in endorsements and collaborations from brands who could only dream of the number of eyeballs on their content that she has managed to attract. Income diversification is one of the central planks of establishing a solid financial foundation, something that Covid taught many of us. So perhaps the happy ending to this story is that we should never be afraid to pivot, be vulnerable, be honest and be willing to laugh at ourselves and our mishaps. Not everything will have a price tag attached to it of course, but in a content-crazed world you never know just who might be watching…

And if you’re struggling to figure out how best to approach all of this, don’t be afraid to invest in yourself and get a financial adviser or book a 1:1 session with us.

Your financial security and peace of mind depends on it.

Finally, if you take nothing away from today’s newsletter except this, please repeat after me: a man is not a financial plan!

Have you found yourself in a compromising financial situation because of a partner?